makethepiehigher.net

Only In Florida… Part 1

nickgutierrez — Sat, 21 Aug 2010 01:45:53 +0000

I learned something today: it’s not illegal to engage in bestiality (that is, have sex with animals) in Florida. Not that this is something I’ve ever considered doing, mind you, it’s just another of those little things that makes this state such a haven for weirdos and idiots. One such case is a man accused of having sex with his neighbor’s horse in Gadsden County, Florida. The great detail here is that there was a bill pending before the state legislature, but the idea of making bestiality against the law was apparently too controversial. Is it too easy of a cheap shot to wonder what some of these legislators do in their spare time?

Since this is the first “Only In Florida…”, I give you two (yes, two!) bizarre instances of Florida being Florida, this one involving a sort of evolutionary regression. Two St. Petersburg teens climbed over the fence of a five-star resort hotel, and went all pissed-off chimp on the hotel’s pool. Now, I know I’ve always dreamed of – well, not dreamed, exactly, more like nightmared of – dropping a deuce in my pants, but these guys deserve credit* for taking the initiative. They not only made my nightmare into reality, but made whatever the poop equivalent would be of lemons into whatever the poop equivalent would be of lemonade.

So, let’s recap: bestiality and poo. Yeah, that’s a pretty good start. Only in Florida…

* credit = jail time

Let’s Get This Thing Rolling

nickgutierrez — Fri, 20 Aug 2010 01:40:06 +0000

I’ve had wordpress installed for a while on the site, I’ve just never quite gotten around to putting up a post yet. So, that’s what this is, just a “hello, world” kind of thing that I hope is a placeholder until I can get around to actually posting things. I’m thinking about some of the things I can do with the blog, and I do have a few ideas:

- Only In Florida…: I don’t know if you know this, but something about the hot, muggy climate of Florida makes people stupid. This feature will detail the dumbest of the dumb, the kind of people that only live in the Sunshine State.

- ___________ Should Shut Up Now: We all have the right to free speech, but some people don’t know when to stop. I plan to tell them.

- Other features to be (figured out and) announced later.

- Posts on sports and politics, maybe music now and then, from a point of view I hope you will find familiar (if you know me) or novel (if you don’t).

- I’m hoping I can get a few friends to contribute, too, and the occasional interview once I get my feet under me. No guarantees, of course, I’m really just throwing things out there.

This should be fun.

Hello world!

nickgutierrez — Sun, 11 Jul 2010 02:07:23 +0000

Welcome to WordPress. This is your first post. Edit or delete it, then start blogging!